If you follow me over on Facebook then you will have seen that I have been battling a cold for the past 4 days or so. What I didn’t post was that for the past couple of days my anxiety has been acting up like crazy.
I have an anxiety disorder. I don’t talk about it here much because I want this to be a positive space for myself and for my readers, but I decided that I need to talk about it because it’s something that makes me unique and The Witch Hollow is all about celebrating our uniqueness and making everyday magickal.
The hard truth is that I struggle with making everyday magickal sometimes because of my anxiety. Yesterday is when my anxiety really started to kick in. Sometimes it just…does. There’s nothing I can do but just ride it out the best I can.
Right now I’m listening to some music and I’m cleaning. Odd right? It’s 9:44 PM and I have to wake up early tomorrow, but I’m sitting here with a garbage bag and a cardboard box for recycling and I’m going through everything. I can usually “sit out” my anxiety by doing something to take my mind off of everything. Usually I’ll pop a movie in, but lately my office space has gotten all sorts of crazy so I decided it’s time to go through all my old paper work and try to clean it up.
I’m a big believer in that whole “clean space = clean mind” thing, so hopefully it’ll work again here. I can finally get rid of all the school papers from last semester, file the important documents and get rid of the penpal letters to those folks that don’t write to me anymore.
The hard part is that I’m an incredibly sentimental person. That sticker that my little sister gave me? Forever keeping it. The movie ticket from the movie that I hated? Going in the memory box.
Hopefully all of this will give me the strength I need to sit through another night of being too scared to fall asleep. Maybe cleaning out the clutter will make me brave enough to burn all the junk from the past that is holding me down in more ways than one.
We all do it, we all hang onto memories of times that were good. It hurts to get rid of the things that make us remember the good times.
I bring all this up because one of the biggest fears I have is the fear of the unknown. For some it’s exciting – not knowing what’s going to happen in the future. Those people look at life like it’s an adventure. Most of the time that’s me too, but on nights like tonight when I have anxiety I look at life like it’s all one giant question mark and that scares me.
Perhaps throwing all this junk out will allow me to free myself of some of the anchors that are tying me to the safety of the past. Maybe this is what I need. Maybe it’s what some of you need as well.
Let’s be brave enough to burn through the past so that we can say yes to an adventure in the future.